Once the folks around you learn that you are considering a divorce, you may find yourself inundated with “helpful advice”. The advice will probably range from “just walk away from it” to “don’t give the sorry SOB anything” and everything in between.
WARNING: All of the advice is wrong. That sounds like an over-generalization but it is not.
FACTS: Your marriage relationship involves two unique personalities (you and your spouse) who are joined in a unique physical, emotional and psychological relationship (the marriage) while dealing with the unique aspects of your lives (financial issues, employment situation, family relationships, etc.). The bottom line is – your marriage and the issues that led to your divorce are not like any other divorce situation.
One size does NOT fit all in terms of divorce. Every divorce is different and should be handled differently.
A great deal of the “helpful advice” concerning divorce is simply not helpful.
Of course, there are people who are sincerely interested in your welfare and who want your divorce to cause as little emotional and psychological damage as possible. Those are the folks you will need around you for help if the going gets tough.
On the other hand, there are people who offer advice for other reasons – perhaps the need to appear knowledgeable about all subjects, or perhaps for the sake of gossip material, or those who characterize themselves as the “victim” of a terrible divorce. Those are the people you need to remove from your day to day life during the divorce.
In a legal sense, your divorce should be handled entirely by you, your lawyer and those other experts necessary to resolve the legal aspects of the marriage relationship. In an emotional and psychological sense, your stability while experiencing the trauma of the divorce should be handled entirely by you, a counselor and those to whom you turn for spiritual guidance.
SUGGESTION: It will serve you well to tell the people who offer “helpful advice” that you have an agreement to discuss the details of the divorce and its effects upon you only with your lawyer and your counselor.
Those who do not comply with your request and persist in pushing “helpful advice” in your direction should be avoided. They will make your divorce experience extremely difficult.
Those who are genuine friends will honor your request. They will make themselves available to enjoy a social outing with you, to offer you support and provide you with assurance that the world is not altogether out of control.